Wordy Wednesday

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“Goodbye” is a powerful word.

it begins a pattern of separation and acceptance, of grief or celebration, of “so long’s” and “farewell’s”

laying flowers by the gravesite of a departed loved one

throwing rice or blowing bubbles at the newlyweds as they embark on their new journey together,

“Goodbye” can live many lives,

depending on how it is used.

as a single word, “goodbye”, can string together the roller coaster of adventures shared between a group of friends graduating college

as two distinct words, “good” and “bye”, it has the potent energy of malice, strife, pain, and deception: the feelings engaged at the death of a relationship

contracted, “g’bye”, brims with warm familiarity which oozes from the heart of a young child speaking to a parent, stuffed animal, or imaginary friend.

but today, I use “bye.”

a shoddy attempt at concealing my disappointment that even as I was with you, breathing you in, keeping in step with you on the sidewalk, my heart only understood that the subway entrance drew ever closer

ready to separate us, once again, by distance, time and place.

Vacancy

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I live here...

there is a place for you here

inside, you’ll find a hook for your coat

a spot for your shoes

and a chair to ease your weary feet.


there is a space for you here

inside of my heart

where the caverns and vessels have been cleared for your presence

to pump in and out of me

becoming a part of me


you are welcome here

you are wanted here

you are already here


will you find your place, your space, your nook in the crannies left waiting for you?

better yet, is there a space inside of you as cozy, as warm, as welcoming for me?

or is your door rusted shut, with the curtains drawn and the lights sitting dormant waiting for the true resident to fill this vacancy of yours?

Wordy Wednesday

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An Etching —

it’s a softened slope

a warm canvas waiting for my paintbrush to fill it with movement, feeling and completion.

it has a mind of its own

a rhythm, a cadence, a time signature that is hard to understand

but as my study delves into its intricate layers, i find the the familiar

a gripping pulse that leads me to use my hands

giving my finger pads permission to explore on my terms

for its benefit.

a living, breathing form takes shape

the beat that lives within it begins to capture my heart

including me in its breath

“breath” being the only word i can think to describe it

because once it has taken hold i barely give it a second thought

i have already acknowledged it has burrowed into my skin

preparing its new home for your paintbrush, your vision, your melody

the painting you choose to etch into my body, my heart, my soul

Presence

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What does it mean to be truly present today?

Turning your phone off, deactivating Facebook, saying Sayonara to technology and just sitting in a room talking? Presence is definitely something I have been thinking about this week whether in my personal life, professional ambitions, or just in general. How are we able to truly cultivate our relationships with one another if there is an ever-“present” other in the room with us? I mean just thinking about it, it was impossible for me to watch the Grammys with just the people in my living room, I felt the need to log on to my Twitter and see what everybody else was thinking and saying instead.

Yea, I get it, technology is a necessary evil ( I wouldn’t be blogging if that weren’t the case) but it also keeps us from truly connecting to each other, making ourselves vulnerable to each others actions and reactions. Why have we become conditioned to look like idiots in public taking selfless for Snapchat and Instagram, but still be too timid to tell a person how we really feel about them or how we treated them without the illuminated phone screen in our hands as a barrier?

Has technology become a crutch? Or is it easier to call it a safety blanket for adults, protecting us all from the unknowns of our lives, the moments that cause us anxiety, unrest, sadness and vulnerability? Am I off the mark? Or is this one of those philosophical questions that will continue to appear as long as people inhabit the earth and continue to make technological advancements?

Sound off by leaving a comment.

Ciao

 

 

Wordy Wednesday

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I don’t even know if I can preface a post with the phrase: “The older I get the more I…” but I feel that intro is apropos for this week’s Wordy Wednesday.

The older I get the more I…

begin to learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to my relationships. Now in the context of this post I’m merely looking at relationships from the friend viewpoint and not the “significant other” category (seeing how I don’t have one). Over the past week I’ve come to understand the power of words, how those words should or should not be communicated, and that no matter how open you perceive a friendship to be there are always lines that should and should not be crossed. Yeah sure I’m speaking in generalities, but I don’t believe the specifics of this tale need to be known for my discovery to be effective.

I have to admit that this was a hard lesson to learn but because of it, I was able to reconnect with other friends, make myself vulnerable to someone new in my life, who embraced me fully and listened to all I had to say as I finally voiced my frustration and confusion, and (this is so actor-y of me) able to push myself to a new level in terms of my scene work for the production I’m starring in at the end of the month. Talking to my mother about it was also an interesting experience in and of itself because I haven’t really talked to her about these kinds of issues in such a way before, and, as always, she listened wholeheartedly and gave me the advice I needed to handle the situation with grace while at the same time hitting me across the head with some Eppes schooling. (haha)

This post may seem very longwinded but I just wanted to put it out there if anybody else happens to find themselves in a similar situation. Remember that words can hurt, not all of your opinions need to be heard out loud, and whether or not you think a friend can hear and handle what you have to say, keep in mind that they have opinions too and what they think and understand to be true to them holds just as much weight.