Wordy Wednesday

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“Goodbye” is a powerful word.

it begins a pattern of separation and acceptance, of grief or celebration, of “so long’s” and “farewell’s”

laying flowers by the gravesite of a departed loved one

throwing rice or blowing bubbles at the newlyweds as they embark on their new journey together,

“Goodbye” can live many lives,

depending on how it is used.

as a single word, “goodbye”, can string together the roller coaster of adventures shared between a group of friends graduating college

as two distinct words, “good” and “bye”, it has the potent energy of malice, strife, pain, and deception: the feelings engaged at the death of a relationship

contracted, “g’bye”, brims with warm familiarity which oozes from the heart of a young child speaking to a parent, stuffed animal, or imaginary friend.

but today, I use “bye.”

a shoddy attempt at concealing my disappointment that even as I was with you, breathing you in, keeping in step with you on the sidewalk, my heart only understood that the subway entrance drew ever closer

ready to separate us, once again, by distance, time and place.

Vacancy

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I live here...

there is a place for you here

inside, you’ll find a hook for your coat

a spot for your shoes

and a chair to ease your weary feet.


there is a space for you here

inside of my heart

where the caverns and vessels have been cleared for your presence

to pump in and out of me

becoming a part of me


you are welcome here

you are wanted here

you are already here


will you find your place, your space, your nook in the crannies left waiting for you?

better yet, is there a space inside of you as cozy, as warm, as welcoming for me?

or is your door rusted shut, with the curtains drawn and the lights sitting dormant waiting for the true resident to fill this vacancy of yours?

Tuesday Thoughts

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they move in time to the music

their bodies infused with a boundless energy

observing them, from my perch at the bar, I am envious and enamored

catching glimpses of their syncopated movements

i notice the soft touches, a shimmer of joy in the eyes, and the brief inhalation of shampoo and cologne.

watching them, i come to know them

the tender moments spent in bed,

the passion that could erupt in an argument over whose turn it was to take out the trash,

grocery shopping trips, holidays, inside jokes, and vacations.

her head falls back as the drummer hits the snare again and again

the song’s climax sounds near

yet as he draws her close to him, ready to find an ending

the keyboardist picks up the melody and they continue…

Tuesday Thoughts

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There is such a beautiful freedom in tears
Permitting your heart, body, and mind to swell over the walls of others’ considerations
Sailing on the waves of bitterness, grief, insurmountable joy and fear
Being swept up in the currents of past, present, and the unseeable future
Does it ever catch you off guard when you whisper to yourself “Finally?”
We, as a people, sometimes ache for the salt water deluge which makes small rivers and streams down the contours of our face
Creates the quakes and shivers in the body, moving with an uninhibited freedom through our nerves, muscles and subconscious
It is in these disruptions we give ourselves permission to be.
To live in the here and now
To listen to the ghosts that haunt us
To lean into the dappled light that nurtures and powers us
Storms can come upon us suddenly or they can send messengers ahead to launch the warning sirens
Either way nature knows its limits
As each storm moves from place to place they always leave a serene hush over the landscape
A bright horizon filled with possibilities and new beginnings
A freedom you can only experience after the salt water has washed you clean

Wordy Wednesday

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a pebble hit the windshield

it was so inconsequential that the sound didn’t even register as the steam fogged the windows and the tears filled my eyes.

of course i’m not in my car

no, instead i am wrapped up in blankets

cocooned from the world

unwilling to emerge from my safe wrappings

and absorb the harsh realities that await me.

instead, i burrow deeper into myself

forced to confront those quiet corners in my mind that are so filled up with you.

your ideas, your thoughts, your rhythms, your scent.

that soft grumbling you make before turning over, once again submitting to the puppet master of your dreams

that fierce charisma you infect me with; dulling my self-doubt, criticisms

shaking anew the infinite possibilities of me.

as i grapple with this corner, the air feels fresh

the safety of the cocoon feels more and more like a trap

a barrier

between the me you see and the ME i will become

the layers shed quickly now

realizing the part they play in our separateness

in my obstacle course of becoming

becoming not a butterfly

no

becoming the being i am meant to be

who i always was and who i forever crave to be

a small ping from a tiny “pebble” that birthed the Big Bang, one quiet night on a cold, still, stale, February night.