Thursday Thoughts

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Let me be honest. The past few weeks have been a bit of a blur, between Netflix marathons, a trip or two, hanging with friends and avoiding this blog (haha), the end of April and beginning of May have been a bit of a wash. Yeah sure, I’ve been submitting for auditions and work, as well as garnering a callback or two, but I think it could be safe to say that I haven’t been especially happy. Don’t get me wrong, happiness and joy are two completely different things, and if there wasn’t joy in my heart who knows if I would even be writing this post, but maybe this has a bit to do with the birthday that looms before me. The big 2-5! The age when the last big hurdle is crossed (I get to rent a car free of the additional insurance charge), when high school is truly beginning to fade, and the envious look you gave to recent college grads flooding the D train to Yankee Stadium no longer sneaks across your face. As I wrote last week, 2014 is definitely going to be a year of great change, the beginning of a new era here in the city, new friends on the horizon, and new lessons to be learned or enforced.

I think I fear it. :/

oops, was i not supposed to say that? am i not allowed to admit that i am afraid of the unknown? i mean i look around and my friends and family definitely have more bonafide reasons for this feeling, babies on the way, weddings and marriages to plan and begin, grad school to begin or complete, careers to find and jobs to fall in love with.

what’s big deal for me huh? i guess it’s simply because i have reached a point where i need to stop holding onto my “security blankets.” the friends, places, people, experiences, and patterns i have grown comfortable with. while comfort isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it also urges you to find the next comfort level. time to take the bull by the horns as it were and really leap off the cliff into my new “being.”

I’m just spewing here, because I consider my blog to be a safe place, and if you’re reading this and are either experiencing these same ideas or have just moved past them, feel free to comment below. really interested to get feedback on what you think and how you’ve coped and successfully moved into your new “comfort level.”

Ciao 🙂

Presence

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What does it mean to be truly present today?

Turning your phone off, deactivating Facebook, saying Sayonara to technology and just sitting in a room talking? Presence is definitely something I have been thinking about this week whether in my personal life, professional ambitions, or just in general. How are we able to truly cultivate our relationships with one another if there is an ever-“present” other in the room with us? I mean just thinking about it, it was impossible for me to watch the Grammys with just the people in my living room, I felt the need to log on to my Twitter and see what everybody else was thinking and saying instead.

Yea, I get it, technology is a necessary evil ( I wouldn’t be blogging if that weren’t the case) but it also keeps us from truly connecting to each other, making ourselves vulnerable to each others actions and reactions. Why have we become conditioned to look like idiots in public taking selfless for Snapchat and Instagram, but still be too timid to tell a person how we really feel about them or how we treated them without the illuminated phone screen in our hands as a barrier?

Has technology become a crutch? Or is it easier to call it a safety blanket for adults, protecting us all from the unknowns of our lives, the moments that cause us anxiety, unrest, sadness and vulnerability? Am I off the mark? Or is this one of those philosophical questions that will continue to appear as long as people inhabit the earth and continue to make technological advancements?

Sound off by leaving a comment.

Ciao

 

 

Tuesday Thoughts

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Why is everybody so afraid to say “I Love You?”

the holiday season is such a magical time for me, i think it has to do with the overwhelming feeling of love and joy that i feel. it puts extra pep in my step and gives me a “rose-colored lens” to view my life, family and friends through. and during this seasonal high i was confronted anew with an idea that continues to puzzle me…

let me give you background,

so last week i was g-chatting with cynthia over the interwebs and suddenly i was struck by how much our friendship means to me and what a fundamental part of my life little miss cyn is to me. swept up in this emotional epiphany the following conversation took place:

Melissa

i LOVE YOU!!!!

merry christmas spirit yay yayayayaya

 Cynthia

hehehe love you too weirdo

 Melissa

why does everybody say that?

so weird

there’s like a thesis there somewhere

because thats always people’s biggest regret it seems

 Cynthia

expressions of love are awkward for our society

we’re bred that way

 Melissa

not saying i love you to people we love enough before they leave us

strange

 Cynthia

mmm yea

we’re not supposed to express love or affection and blahblahblah

 Melissa

Fascinating

 Cynthia

i never did really with my fam until after my divorce and it was really awkward for a long time

from what i hear a lot of people dont really say i love you unless its a significant other

 Melissa

yeah

thats like the one person we have to hear it from

but i guess if you dont come from a loving fam you would long to hear that from them too right?

that could be a group talk right there

 Cynthia

hahaha

expressions of love and affection

i dig it

yea i mean i feel like we have to hear that people love us when we’re unsure if they do

or to reassurance that the feeling is mututal

idk

Cynthia

hahaha

expressions of love and affection

i dig it

yea i mean i feel like we have to hear that people love us when we’re unsure if they do

or to reassurance that the feeling is mututal

idk

 so do i stand alone in this conversation? is this just a silly question to have? we always here friends and family say after a loved one dies that they wished they were able to say i love you just once more before they left this earth. have we as a society been conditioned not to say it to each other ? why are we often taken aback when we hear it from others? this is just one of the random thoughts that passes through my mind from time to time. i would love to hear what you think about it all in the comments section.

ciao!